I’m not sure how I want to start this post out, seeing as it’s my last “first of the year” blog post.
By last, I mean no more years. Senior means last. Senior means no more school. Well, obviously except for this year.
I’ve been wracking my brain to find a way to cope with the traumatizing effects that come from having a last “first of the year” anything. My first day back on campus, I was overwhelmed with things I needed/wanted to do.
Was sitting on Foss appropriate? Was running up Foss appropriate? Was I allowed to pretend I was a freshmen, or a sophomore, or anything but this faux-adult I have suddenly become? Because, you see, my first days back on campus have not consisted of me bouncing from Usdan to my hallway wearing a trademark red backpack that yells out “I AM A FRESHMAN AND I’M PROBABLY LOST”. (Stealing a red bag from Orientation didn’t really do much to quench my angst).
My days were filled with meetings. Important, grown up meetings. And papers, and pens, and unpacking into my real wood frame house, with other real wood frame senior-users. I’m so utterly confident about myself, obviously, because not a single person has assumed I was a freshman. No one has asked if I needed directions, even when I stood at the corner of Pine and looked longingly in every direction around me. The senior adult part is just radiating, and I can’t turn it off.
Luckily for me, my WSA (student government) commitments absolutely required that I spend some time at the freshman barbeque dinner mingling in their lovely inclusive circles. Once I introduced myself and told Joe #1 and #2 that OMG I knew people in both their hometowns of New York City and Chicago, I was forced to reluctantly admit that I was, in fact, a poser. I was a senior, getting the inside scoop. I didn’t belong.
So, it’s obviously been rough. My sadness is deeper than my eternally deadpanned blog would suggest. Sincerity is present here. I’m sincerely sad. The end is coming, and I’m not ready to leave this place. Thanks for inspiring me so much Wesleyan, and for making me feel this sad. Means I love this place.